Train a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not swerve from it.
(Proverbs 22:6)
Tonight's Posada is a little late. I was out with my best friend/sister of different parents today, sans kidlets, so we could do some Christmas shopping. To the extent that I do much of anything that's culturally typical around this holiday, it's because of the kids. I don't want Kid Pax to pick up much of my ambivalence (or worse) around this holiday. His very existence is countercultural enough; there's reasons enough to at least have him have some basic touchpoints around some of these holidays that are positive - if still somewhat different - that I make the effort.
As we were out today, surrounded by things "Christmasy" I wondered - what has "Christmas" become, from a kid's perspective? What does it even mean to be a child in this culture today?
So tonight's (belated) Posada is about kids - the ones in our midst, and maybe even the parts of us that are still children, still childlike. Can we still find that mystery with the children who are at our door?
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This "Christmas Season" started for me with a phone call. "I have to tell you about this advertisement. A lady asks a little girl of maybe five or six what she wants Santa to bring her. The little girl looks at her and responds, 'I don't believe in Santa. I believe in cashmere.'" It's an ad for the Burlington Coat Factory (I refuse to dignify them with a link), and it's been on regular airplay here for weeks. I've not seen it, but that phrase - "I believe in cashmere" - so clearly illustrates what we've done to a holiday that was once about peace and giving, and has become about "what's in it for me?"
No offense to those of you who've been out purchasing cashmere for your little darlings (in the interest of full disclosure, I bought myself some cashmere blend socks today) - but how on earth did we get here? What sort of society are we building where the theme of the season, broadcast universally to kids of any faith, creed, or belief system - is that it's all about cashmere?
In Consuming Faith: Integrating Who We Are with What We Buy, author Tom Beaudoin writes of an experiment he conducted with some of his college students. He asked his class of late-teen/early 20s students to imagine themselves as successful adults and to name the brands with which they could picture themselves associating.
I realized later that at that moment there were no puzzled looks or confused faces - something that as a teacher I would hopefully notice immediately. Few if any of my students heard this as a strange question. ... When I talked individually with many of them later, I realized that each student could describe the image or lifestyle associated with the brands they liked.
Beaudoin goes on to analyze the spiritual dimensions of having one's identity defined by the brands one prefers. Does one follow the creed of a faith community - or is one defined by the brand of a shoe company? Does one define one's identity by the friends and activities in which one engages, or the logo on the clothes one wears? As adults - parents, mentors, and simply people in the world, in this culture, what message do we deliver to our children about their place, their identities, and how to relate to one another through what we privilege by wearing it on our bodies? What are the values we pass on to our children by the names and designs on the products we purchase for them?
The Proverb quoted above seems to bear much truth, and marketers have learned this. Get the child hooked on your brand early, and as they mature and have incomes of their own, they'll remain loyal. It's a lucrative deal - but at the cost of the innocence of our kids.
In a conversation with the Pastor who runs Kid Pax's school one day this summer I noted, "You know, the thing about our kids is that they're academically about one year ahead of their peers in other local schools, but socially they're at least a year behind." As I wandered through a department store today, I realized that perhaps the social gap is widening. In the kids' section we ran across a pile of items from Juicy Couture (to which I link with trepidation). Their adult lines are frankly, graphically sexual - and y'know, I can't say offhand that I find a lot of fault with that - in context, that is - and for adults. My issue is with how it's labeled and marketed, with the brand identity clearly not related to the products themselves, but to the single-word brand identity - "Juicy".
I hadn't expected to encounter scaled-down versions of much of the same product for girls aged 5-11, though. I can't imagine putting a preteen daughter in clothing advertising her as "juicy". I really don't want my preteen son to be thinking of his female classmates and friends as "juicy" either - yet that label-based objectification seems to be the brand identity that the company hopes to achieve.
And in this store, for both adults and children, they were among the most prominently displayed items, with signs indicating that they were the perfect last-minute Christmas gifts.
I've had several conversations with friends about how fast our kids are growing up. Kid Pax hits double digits in January - it's hard to believe these past ten years have gone by so fast. Ten years ago, the little tyke in utero undoubtedly heard many adult phrases as his aching, painfully pregnant mama urged him to grow up already and breathe on his own. Now, seeing boys' clothes with aggressive, militaristic themes and looking at the "juicy" attire available for his female contemporaries, I find myself wanting to hold on. Let the kid be a kid.
Can't our children enjoy the sweet innocence of play - and indeed, even the pleasures and joys of Christmas?
We're racing toward the "big day" - in just over 30 or so hours, many kids in the US will be waking up, rushing to the tree, and eagerly ripping open packages to see what they got this year. The kid knows to be discreet around me, that I don't play the game - but I'm not fooled. I know he and the grandparents have been consulting about which Pokemon items are on the "wish list", which Nintendo accessories are "needed". I roll my eyes, but I also see it as one of the all-important identity-building themes of his age, finding his place among his peers. As these things go, it's more innocuous than some. I still find myself longing, though, for the days when the games were imaginatory, not brand-mediated.
Someone said to me once that we really don't value children in this culture anymore. "No," he said, "We are annoyed by children being children. We're in too much of a hurry for them to become adults. 'What will you be when you grow up?' - what's the rush? We value and train potential employees and managers, and we're nurturing future consumers. What happened to childhood? And what sort of world and values are we giving to them, anyway?"
No prayer tonight - just a meditation from the 1970s, of sorts. Regardless of whether or how you celebrate this week, whether or not you have kids, let's hold children in our thoughts and hearts.
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