Into every life rain must fall. Scripture tells me it falls on the just and unjust. Okay, I'm fine with that. But do I have to get rain, hail, hurricane, noreaster, and frogs all at once? And my lifelong dream as well?
Follow me behind the fold if you dare. Otherwise, just send prayers.
Distress
My son goes before a judge again today. He's been in jail since before Christmas because he had an online relationship with a guy he thought was 20. It's complex and gets more so all the time. At great cost he acquired a lawyer when it was obvious that his court-appointed lawyer was incompetent or uninterested. The new lawyer doesn't seem to have done much more. I constantly read stories about teachers and law enforcement officials who physically abuse children and are given commuted sentences or sentences less than what my son is already served. And Scooter Libby doesn't deserve to go to jail. I'm puzzled and distressed. Today something will be decided about my son's future, and there's nothing I can do about it. Except pray.
Eustress
(Eustress is the good stress. However, your body can't tell the difference.)
The book with my story in it comes out next week, and I'm going to a convention this weekend to promote it.
(Feel free to contribute to my panel topics:
This experience should be up there with the happiest days of my life. I've worked hard for this moment, people. It could lead to more opportunities. Heck, I'm on a panel with two editors. The convention folk could be considered my community, except that I don't have no stinking community, and if I did, how could I bring all my rain into their happy days? I went to Christmas service after I first got the news about my son, and I'm not ever doing that again. Do not ask about Easter.
I've got to do some serious praying just to get myself to show up this weekend.
Just Stress
In a series of comically unfortunate events, I ended up designing and managing a small department for a huge company for whom I'd been doing part-time, low-grade contracting work. Every month for the last nine months I said I needed a salary adjustment. Double was my idea. Two months ago, they slouched towards making me a semi-employee--at about the same salary I'm getting. I said no and reminded them of my bottom line. Now they want me to accept the position without knowing exactly what it pays, what kind of career path I could look for, and many other items that I thought people asked about jobs. Meanwhile I'm in the running for another contract with another company, one that pays much more than double what I'm getting now--but it would be for 2 months only, with the possibility of more. Security is all that appeals to me about the first one any more (lots of resentment there), but do I dare jump out once more? The last time I took a job for security's sake, the 50+ year old organization folded the next year. And they're applying guilt about how much work they've gone through for me. Considering how much half-price work I've done for them, you wouldn't think that would bother me. So I'm being a coward and praying for God to slam one of those doors shut.
On the upside, all my kitties are healthy.
Maybe I kid myself, but I think I know how to handle really good stuff, really bad stuff, and just stuff. Stuff altogether is hard. I guess "pray and meditate" is the solution for everything, good times and bad. Divine intervention or a plate of cookies would be most welcome, though.
I hope you're having a better day. I would appreciate your prayers. I'll keep trying to do my own.
UPDATE: My son pled guilty to one 3rd degree felony in state court. Now he has 45 more days in jail while they debate his sentence. And he'll have a $5000 fine. And "restitution." And the grand jury will decide whether or not to bring federal charges. I'm having serious trouble here. So is he. Anyone who believes in miracles, please ask for one. I'm prayed out for the day.
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