Five years ago this month, I began a mystical journey.  The journey was into me and my own truth.  It is ongoing.  The tradition by which I am making this journey is considered by many to be patriarchal but truly it has appeared to me to be without dogma, only an intent to understand myself.

I am a feminist.  I say that proudly no matter how many people try to smear feminism.  It comes from a deep and painful truth within and a journey that started with that truth then forgot that truth in order to survive then returned to that truth.

I have an 8 year old nephew on my holiday shopping list, a very sweet little boy who is very intelligent and inquisitive.  My husband told me what this nephew wants:  Something from one of the popular toy systems that recently came out with a Martian science fiction series of sets.  I was told he wanted something with an astronaut and a Martian.  For some reason, I got an image in my head of an astronaut and a little green Martian standing across from each other, maybe their hands stretched out in greeting.  I went to the toy store and found one of the toys my nephew wanted.  It was a battle scene between astronauts and Martians.

The spiritual path I practice is a kind of contemplative mysticism.  It is one of those paths where the ego is slowly eroded away to reveal the truth within.  This is a painful process.  There are places in the human psyche beautiful and terrible.  When I started on this path, I loved violent movies, violent games, and violent toys.  Now the whole culture of it appalls me.

Having read halfway through a book on abuse recovery, I feel the need to tell a part of my story.  It may be that eventually I will post more but, at this point, I at least need to get my head screwed on straight about all this.

I have fought a war with depression most of my life.  It has generally been a losing battle.  I have been in and out of psychologists' offices and my black moods almost killed my marriage.  I spent much of my life doubting my sanity because normal people don't experience what I have experienced.

You don't need to believe me.  My life has been generally unbelievable.  I have lived at the center of the storm for much of it.